| omg
i hate everyone in this fucking house.
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| i cant sleep anymore. i slept all day. its just me now. i no longer have a trusty sidekick. i was afraid to love him while i was with him. now hes all i can think about. shit, if he reads this he will be awfully confused. im worried......what is it with me and the trouble of having a companion, of any sort? i cant even keep the same best friend for a certain amount of time i always get sick of them and things that they do that can get to me, or that i do, like even the way im feeling that day can drive me away. the ole switch-er-roo. its so wrong of me, and i know it, they all know it. and have tried to stop me before but i always resent them when they try to break me of my bad habits. i dont appreciate defeat. but theres nothing wrong with a little help from people who love you. i need something heart warming and inpirational to listen to as i write....just hear me out, i never wanted things to end up like this...i wanted us to be ok....i was unhappy and didnt feel right so i wanted some space...and then more space...now im more lost than ever....the more upset i get the more i realize hes up on a much higher level than i am...hes better at everything really....im sick of proveing how weak i am....i let him know me too well, and he knows the truth, he knows first hand what kind of person i am, and it drives me crazy. to know that i gave him enough of my trust to be another person to look down on me, with pity...disgust...whatever hes feeling. i dont know how hes feeling. we havent spoke. look where i am agian now...i was afraid to let it go on any longer because i knew anything else i did wrong would put him one step further. i was afraid to let him be right, so i just gave up. i just want you to know i still care....all he wanted to do was love me. is that too much to ask for in me? that i cant give my self up as easily as i thought i could. no. my fan says no. thats all it says is no. im gunna go pull its pin up that way it cant say anything at all. i like stand up comedy. i like destruction. im a fighter not a lover. i cant stand the fights. all we did was fight. and i hated it. i wish there was a way i could apologize but...i dont want to go through this again. i dont want to hurt you anymore. so hes right i guess. its better to just stay out of each others lives then. its painful. im the cause of it. i could have done so much more to make him happy. what held me back? i dont know. doubt. closure. concern of everyone else around me. being me in general. i wish i could fix him the same way he fixed me. i asked his friends if he was ok. they just said, yeah.....i dunno. its kinda akward around his friends now and everyone else it seems. i want to drop out of school again which isnt good. i give up way too easily. i have no direction in life. yeah i do, what am i saying. im ready to get out of highschool and leave all the stupid people behind. i wanna get out of this crazy place....you know i say that but i really dont want to leave the ones ive cared about for so many years. i may be on the top of alot of peoples hit list right now, but its better to stay and face it. i know i make alot of mistakes and i get scared of alot of things but i dont run from them. i never do. an old friend of mine who is a boy...who ive hurt before in the past....has accepted me into his life again. and that made me really happy. thanks jayton  . anyway. i just dont know. i mean, i wish i was the girl who cared about my school work and my future plans, never letting my gaurd down, afraid of love. yeah that so wasnt me. i was the wild child always thinking about boys, never really got one though, but thats who i was. yep no help at all for ever being a good girlfriend oneday. crushes come and go. they are a waste of time and heart ache. i thought i should stay single agian for a little while so thats what im doing. no more tears ashton, no more tears.
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| all i do is post pictures these days, whats up with that??
ah well....nothings sweeter then fallin asleep on the bathroom floor
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| uh you guys
i love nolan
thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis
much x1000
be jealous bitches
........i think brennen liked his kitten
........
........ i like my socks
....
i didnt get anybody anything really, just love...juuuuust love[pshhhh]
and hugs
lots and lots of hugs...
...
[not nolan]
bleedkeys: all i want to do is just hug you.....a long long long hug
ugh fuck
 / ?
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like i said, i love nolan
and have a holly jolly effen christmas
&& its almost my birthday!!!!!
[soooo get me something]
[roarr]
[tehe]
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